How to Write Memoir with Abigail Thomas

Writing Tips from a Successful Author & Online Workshop Leader

Nov 16, 2008

Ever wanted to write a memoir but didn't know where to start? Abigail Thomas, successful author of multiple best-selling memoirs explains how she gets from A to Z.

A wise and witty writer named Abigail sat down with Suite101 to answer some questions on how she makes writing memoir come to life.

Not only does Abigail Thomas write illuminating books and teach graduate level writing classes, but she gives freely of her time in a free workshop online.

Q. How important is it to keep a notebook with you at all times?

A. It is crucially important. Without it, you aren't connected to the writing process. Without it, you won't be able to scribble down the odd bit of overheard conversation or the fleeting thought that skips through your mind, or the way a certain color blue makes you remember something from long ago.

I put everything in my notebook, anything that requires the physical act of writing just to keep me in the habit. It isn't a sacred object, you aren't supposed to write breathless prose, it is your larder of material.

Q. Do your friends and family ever feel concerned if they see you jotting down notes in their presence or do you wait till later to write?

A. I never wait to write anything down because it might evaporate. My friends and family know that if they say anything funny or insightful or dumb that I'm going to write it down. Speak at your own peril, is my motto.

Recently my sister was describing crows flying under a canopy of branches. "The trees", she said, were "like the nave of a church". I said, "stop talking for a minute while I write that down, that is so beautiful," and she took it in stride.

Q. Do you worry about hurting the feelings of those you care for by exposing a personal memory?

A. Of course I do. If it's something I know the person wouldn't want revealed, I have to think long and hard about my motives for wanting to include it. If it's central to what I'm trying to write about, and it feels like the real thing, it goes in.

I have a strong sense of privacy, and the one privacy I feel comfortable (and also acutely uncomfortable) about invading is my own. You just want to be certain that the story is pointless without it, and that your motives are clear.

That said, there is a part of being a writer that involves a kind of ruthlessness. You can't always write the truth and have everybody love you at the same time. We don't get to come out of this smelling like a rose.

Q. How important is 'inspiration' in your daily writing?

A. It's important. It's hard to invent something out of nothing. I know that writing is work, and it's sometimes drudgery and not inspired, but if you write enough drivel you might find a bright feather in the heap. I find it very hard to write if I'm not turned on by something.

Q. Do you have any rituals surrounding your writing? Any special lighting, music, etc?

A. No music, no background noise except a fan. I need air stirring. I like white noise. But you can write anywhere - coffee shops, buses, trains. It's for rewriting that I need quiet and the fan.

Q. Can you explain how to write a memoir without following a linear time frame?

A. I can't explain how it's possible to write a memoir that is chronological. Chronology is beyond me, and not just because I have a bad memory. I write what I write, hoping it will reveal a pattern to me if I keep it up long enough.

I don't find that one thing following another is interesting enough as a reason to write, but finding the connections between the dots is fascinating. After a while, if I'm lucky, I begin to see that I'm returning to certain (I despise the word themes) but, themes. When I realize where I'm headed, when I see where I want to end up, then that gives me something to shoot for.

Usually, the end of something comes as a surprise. That's when I know I'm on the right track. For me, writing is all about the connections, both in an individual piece and in the whole mess of pieces. The connections I find, the connections I make. That surprising and satisfying feeling when you've cracked the safe and it opens - that's why I write.

Q. How do you choose what goes in and what stays out of any particular memoir?

A. We all have many different lives. The easiest way to illustrate this is that when I wrote A Three Dog Life, the part of me that told the story was the part of me that was Rich's wife. No need for the fact that I did or didn't become a cheerleader or a teacher, or a mother. It was about a marriage and a man I loved, and how his accident changed him and us and me.

Q. What's your advice to a memoir writer looking to get published?

Q. What do you tell your students about literary agents and how to find that special relationship?

A. I don't give advice about agents. But if you're ready, take a look at your favorite writers, find out who their agents are, and send them a very short note saying you loved the work of so and so and have something of your own you hope they'd like; a two sentence description, an offer to send them the first ten pages.

Abigail encourages writers to be inspired by their own lives in this video. Her willingness to share what she knows shines like a spotlight, effortlessly and beautifully on-target.

The copyright of the article How to Write Memoir with Abigail Thomas in Writing Memoirs is owned by Vicki F. Chavis. Permission to republish How to Write Memoir with Abigail Thomas in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.