Malia and Sasha Obama are ensconced in the White House, visiting dad in the Oval office and playing with their new puppy. From media reports they are the happiest siblings to inhabit the White House since before Ronald Reagan was President. Who can forget the lawsuits, stunning disclosure of sexual preference and other antics of this first family of the 1980s?
Sister stories aren’t always so happy as evidenced in coming of age stories that populate horrifying memoirs and biographies. The most chronicled are those that explore sexual and drug abuse, alcoholism, abandonment, adoption and sexual identity. Jessica Handler’s memoir Invisible Sisters is a departure from the norm, celebrating the love among her siblings alongside the tragic early deaths of her two younger sisters, Susie and Sarah.
Sibling deaths
According to the publisher of Invisible Sisters, “nearly five million adults have experienced the death of a sibling and countless more have lost brothers and sisters in childhood.”
Handler writes powerfully about the unraveling of her family and most poignantly about herself, particularly the overwhelming thoughts of survivor guilt. Reading that from the age of nine she began introducing herself as “the well sibling” evokes empathy and gives the reader pause to contemplate their relationships with their siblings. The reader’s hand reaches for the phone just to say, “I love you,” to brothers and sisters.
“As Sarah and Susie’s sister, I looked outward, away from myself,” writes Handler. Throughout this family history of death, suicide attempts, divorce and geographical separation, Handler finishes school, moves to California and starts a career – yet the weight of living not only for herself but for her two sisters never lessens.
Building a New Namily
In a paragraph midway through the memoir, Handler succinctly sums up how she accepts the tragedy, finds a coping mechanism and goes on to create a life that brings her some of the things she missed along the way. “I did not ask myself what I made of me. I had learned to look at my family through peekaboo fingers, afraid of what I would see. My fear was rewarded every time, and so I stopped looking. I began instead, to build new families for myself wherever I could find them.”
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' Cycle of Death
This memoir is not without hope but it is hope based in reality. Handler’s language and style soars as her sisters’ health fails. Her approach makes a difficult, almost unthinkable subject accessible. The reader wades through Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’ steps toward death, “denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance,” alongside Handler, teary eyed and hoping for a day beyond such intense pain.
For the author’s tour schedule please visit the publisher’s website.
About the Author
A teacher of creative writing, Ms. Handler lives in Atlanta, Georgia. An essay from Invisible Sisters was nominated for the 2008 Pushcart Prize. Her nonfiction has appeared in Newsweek, The Atlanta Jewish Times, Creative Loafing, Ars Medica, Southern Arts Journal, More Magazine and Brevity.com.
Publisher: PublicAffairs; 1 edition (April 13, 2009)
ISBN-10: 1586486489
ISBN-13: 978-1586486488
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